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Yuma Me - General Joke Page 12
Submit your joke here
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer,
and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when
it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not
getting enough gas." The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a
spark and something's wrong with the electrical system." All three
turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The
computer engineer said, "I think we should all get out and then
get back in."
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT A TATTOO PARLOR...
"Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
"I HATE it when I get the hiccups."
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
Q. What do you get if you cross a freeway with a bicycle?
Q. When is a bicycle not a bicycle?
A. When it turns into a driveway
Shouldn't have asked department. .
"It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out
of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."
A STORMY RELATIONSHIP
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother
was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn
off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled
and gave him a reassuring hug.
MOMMY'S LITTLE ANGEL
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after
a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take
him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was
beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like
an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed." This confused
his grandmother a bit, and sheasked him "What makes you say
God did this with his left hand?" "Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday
School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work,
I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print
it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when I
asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she
couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when several hours
later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station
demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?"
A couple gets married and the wife puts a foot locker in the bedroom.
She locks it, then puts the only key on a chain around her neck. For
fifty years, her husband tries to figure out what's in there, but she
always changes the subject, and avoids theissue. Finally, on the night
of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, he says to her, "I've got to know what's
in the trunk!" She takes the key, unlocks the foot locker, and inside there's
two ears of corn and $25,000. The guy says, "What's with the two ears of corn?"
She says, "Well, umm, in the fifty years, every time I broke our marriage vows,
I put an ear of corn in the trunk." The guy figures, "Twice in fifty years, not
so bad..." Then he says, "And what's the $25,000?"
She says, "Well,
everytime I got a bushel, I sold it."
One day an attorney remarked to a friend, “I just finished a
puzzle and it only took me five months.”
her friend asked. “That seems like an
“Not at all,”
she explained. “The box says 6 to 12 years.”
with, "This was England's finest hour."
then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."
he had missed two golden opportunities, Little
this comment, the outraged teacher
A young man comes home and says "Dad, I just got my driver's
license, can I use the family car." The father replies, "Okay, son.
But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room
clean, make certain the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back
in a few months and then we'll see."
pass and the young man comes into the house with
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